


A Forbidden Love

by FallingFlowers



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bottom Arthur, Bottom Merlin, Bottoming from the Top, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden Love, HAPPY ENDING I PROMISE YOU, Historical, Idiots in Love, M/M, No Magic AU, Porn With Plot, Smut, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Top Arthur, Top Merlin, inspired by The Happy Prince, inspired by colin morgan's beautiful face, takes place in the late 1800s, theres barely any overlap between this and the movie okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-05 09:07:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17915924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallingFlowers/pseuds/FallingFlowers
Summary: Set in the late 1800s, Merlin and Arthur face trouble when the world doesn't welcome sexual relationships between men. They find out how much they really care for each other, and have a ton of sex along the way.(AKA three times Merlin and Arthur have sex and one time they don't)PLEASE READ THE NOTES AT THE BEGINNING!!





	A Forbidden Love

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! I have returned lolol but anyway yeah this was inspired by colin morgan playing Lord Alfred "Bosie" Douglas in The Happy Prince, and I was just like, I cannot let that gorgeous face go to waste, so here we are. 
> 
> Therefore, I've written this as if Merlin looks exactly like Bosie, and you are guaranteed to see many references to his gorgeous hair. I swear you will. 
> 
> Enjoy!!

"Fuck!" Merlin exclaimed, as Arthur slammed him into the wall, hands gripping his sides before sticking his head in the crook of Merlin's neck and sucking on his skin. He nibbled on it lightly, before tracing the quickly-disappearing  marks with his tongue and placing his lips back down on warm skin. His hands slid over Merlin's hips, down over his arse and then back up to tug his shirt out of his trousers. Their suit coats had already been discarded as soon as they had entered the hotel room.  When Arthur's hands came in contact with Merlin's skin, Merlin sucked in a breath at the feeling, letting out a moan that rang through the small room.

"Don't be too loud, sweetheart," Arthur said, lifting his head up only a little, "Do you want someone to overhear?" He pulled Merlin's shirt up and over his head, before placing his hands over a warm chest and roaming over it, pebbling Merlin's nipples and running over his ribs. Arthur leaned in and pressed a kiss on his collarbone, moving down and continuing to press kisses until he reached one of Merlin's nipples. He laved it with the flat of his tongue, before flicking over it with the tip and making Merlin squeal. Arthur brought a hand up and pulled at Merlin's other side with his thumb and forefinger, and Merlin leaned his head back against the wall and whimpered for more. He put a hand in Arthur's hair and raked a hand through it, down to the back of his neck, holding him there.

When Arthur pulled away, Merlin reached up and grabbed at Arthur's shirt, tugging apart the buttons with little care for whether they broke or not—Arthur was rich, he could afford it. When the shirt was on the floor, Merlin swiped his hands over golden skin and a taut abdomen; he yearned for the touch of Arthur's hands, the feeling of his skin. He pulled Arthur closer by the shoulders and slammed their lips together, letting his mouth be victim to the lavish feeling of Arthur's tongue.

Their hands scraped at each other hungrily, for the one thing they would never be allowed to have publicly was within reach and neither of them was going to let the chance go. They wanted,  _desperately,_  and there was nothing keeping them from getting it, even if it was wrong in the eyes of everyone else. Was it so horrible to find comfort in the arms of someone loved?

"Arthur- Arthur, please!" Merlin moaned as Arthur moved to pull Merlin's trousers down his legs and flung them away, leaving him entirely bare from head to toe. He shivered in the cold air for a second, climbing onto the bed and watching as Arthur removed the rest of his clothes. Merlin lied back with his head against the pillow, closing his eyes for a second and enjoying the complete darkness before opening them to find Arthur looking at him from above, having placed his body over Merlin's on the bed. Merlin reached up to stroke his thumb across Arthur's cheek and smiled.

"Alright?" Arthur asked, his voice rough and low in his throat. Merlin's smile turned into a smirk.

"Get on with it, will you?" At that, Arthur raised an eyebrow and finally reached for Merlin's cock, long and hard, holding it firm and tugging down on it slowly, achingly, to rile Merlin up. He repeated the motion at the same speed, several times, until Merlin started whining. "Stop that! If you don't want to do it properly, then why are you here?"

"Are you so sure you could find someone else, Merlin?" Arthur began to pull faster, "Another man who could deal with you?" He took his hand away, acknowledging the sound of loss Merlin made with a hand skimming down his flank. Then, he moved downward on the bed to take the head of Merlin's cock in his mouth, sucking on it with fervor. He hollowed his cheeks out, sliding his tongue across the slit and glancing up at Merlin to find him locked up in his feelings of pleasure. Head thrown back, Merlin's breathing grew ragged.

Unbeknownst to him, Arthur had grabbed the bottle of oil before climbing into bed. He popped off of Merlin's cock to pour the oil all over his fingers, before lifting one of Merlin's legs up to find the pink, tight ring of skin that lied between. He ran one of his slick fingers around it a few times, feeling Merlin clench when he would run directly over it. Arthur took Merlin's cock in his other hand, gliding his hand over it while he pushed through the muscle with his finger. Merlin panted as Arthur felt inside him, adding a second finger and stretching him open, reaching in and twisting his fingers until Merlin fisted the sheets and bit his tongue to hold back a loud moan.

"Why would I need another man when I have you at my mercy?" Merlin said, breathing heavily, "Arthur,  _please_." He asked for the one thing Arthur was craving, had been the entire time. There was no pleasure greater than that of being completely together, for either of them. They barely were able to see each other, stuck in their own lives, mundane and miserable without the other. When they could meet they did so frantically, desiring the company of a true lover over all else.

After Arthur pulled his fingers out, he grabbed a pillow from the head of the bed and placed it underneath Merlin's lower back, settling in between his legs. He leaned down, putting s hand in Merlin's hair to tug his head back—those beautiful golden locks, entrapped in his fist—and licked a stripe up the side of his neck, until he reached Merlin's ear. He nibbled at the earlobe, sometimes sucking on the skin behind it. He felt Merlin take hold of both of their cocks and stopped his actions to groan into Merlin's shoulder.

Arthur turned his head and nuzzled against Merlin's cheek, then brought a hand up to turn Merlin's face toward his own. He took Merlin's bottom lip between his own, enraptured in how pink they always were, whether or not they'd already been kissing. They were always plush and soft, and Arthur found that once he was attached to them, he never wanted to let go. It was like that with all of Merlin, really, he was an addiction that Arthur wasn't proud of, but would never desire to give up.

Somehow, Arthur found the strength to lift himself back up on his arms, feeling the chill without the warmth of Merlin's body surrounding him, then rose onto his knees. He took himself in hand from Merlin and stroked himself with the oil. Then, Merlin lifted his legs up, hands beneath his knees, showing himself off. Arthur knew of Merlin's vulnerability, his shyness, and the fact that he let Arthur see him like this—spread out for him, no questions asked—it meant something more. He slid the head of his cock over the cleft, before giving the push necessary to encase himself within Merlin.

They both let out simultaneous moans, relieved that they would finally receive the satisfaction they'd waited for. Arthur pushed in slowly until he was fully sheathed inside Merlin, then leaned down onto his forearms, letting Merlin wrap his legs around Arthur's waist. At first, Arthur set a deliberately slow pace, watching Merlin's face to make sure there was no underlying pain if Arthur hadn't stretched him out enough. It was unhurried and sweet, and Arthur cherished it, knowing how their need to finish would soon rise to take precedence over the gentle loving they began with.

Merlin latched his arms around Arthur's neck, pulling him down for a chaste kiss before shamelessly slipping his tongue between Arthur's lips. He let his tongue roam through the inside of Arthur's mouth, and then was encouraged when Arthur sucked his tongue further into his mouth. Merlin moaned at the feeling, while Arthur kept his moderate pace and hit his prostate with every few thrusts, making sure Merlin wouldn't spill too soon.

Merlin pulled away from Arthur's lips, resting his head back on the pillow and looking up at his gleaming lover above him. His hands traced over the length of Arthur's neck, and sea blue eyes stared down at him with the same intensity they always did, but without the lingering fear that someone would see. Merlin let one of his hands trace down over Arthur's shoulders and onto his shoulder blades, reveling in the feeling of warm skin, only slightly sticky with sweat. Arthur's eyes closed as he picked up a faster speed, nearing completion, and Merlin's hands gripped onto Arthur's shoulders tightly while he let out a moan.

Every single thrust hit straight on Merlin's prostate, making him whine and whimper. He took his leaking erection in his hand and stripped it, while Arthur leaned down to attack his mouth. He responded in kind, blunt nails digging into Arthur's shoulder as he moved back to meet each thrust that Arthur rammed into him. Both of them grunted at each slap of skin, pleasure rising with the friction between them.

Merlin came all over his chest, a moan of Arthur's name as he tugged himself dry, feeling the high of his orgasm. His hole clenched around Arthur, who thrusted a few more times until he spilled inside of Merlin and fell onto his warm body beneath him. Merlin, sated, rubbed his hands over Arthur's back while he waited for him come back to himself. Arthur nuzzled into his neck and whispered something unintelligible before pulling out and rolling over and off the bed. 

"Don't tell me you're planning on leaving now?" Merlin complained, "I haven't seen you for three weeks..." Sometimes, Arthur would leave as soon as they were finished, abandoning Merlin in the same cold, dingy hotel room they stayed in every time. Arthur was busy, being the son of a large company owner, but Merlin always wanted to spend more time with him rather than just a short, sexually frustrating dinner and then the actual sex that followed.

"No, darling, I'm here all night." Arthur said, softly, when he came back to the bed with a wet cloth and cleaned off Merlin's chest, making him hum in approval with a smile on his face. When Arthur climbed into bed a few minutes after, Merlin immediately wrapped all of his limbs around him, resting his head on Arthur's chest. He sighed contentedly and let his eyes fall, pleased when Arthur's hand stroked up and down his side.

"Good. I don't want to wake up alone tomorrow, either, Arthur. At least wake me before you leave?" Merlin asked, sleepily. He yawned and Arthur's hand moved from his skin and onto his head, petting his waves and letting his fingers smooth through them. There were no knots, only soft, silky hair that felt too good to be real.

"Alright, Merlin." Arthur said, nearing sleep himself. They would be waking in a few hours for another round, both of them knew, but Merlin cherished the feeling of just being  _with_  Arthur. They barely ever were able to be together, and in public they had to stand at least two feet apart, unable to convey any sort of emotion for one another. It made Merlin yearn hopelessly for the feeling of Arthur's hands on his skin, to kiss him, things that men and women could do in public without remorse. But with them, it all had to happen behind closed doors, and it would ruin both of their reputations if anyone found out.

 _It's just how it has to be_ , Merlin thought.  _It's never going to change._

~•~

Merlin climbed over Arthur, his knees on either side of Arthur's legs. He placed his hands over Arthur's shoulders and felt as Arthur gripped his arse, squeezing and molding it in his hands. Then, Merlin reached behind him and took Arthur's erection in his hand before sinking down onto it, muffling his moans by meeting Arthur's mouth with his own. His tongue slid across Arthur's languidly, tasting remnants of an array of spices in his mouth.

Slowly, Merlin raised and lowered himself on Arthur's cock, grinding into it when he was seated fully. He wasn't in a rush, and wanted to keep it that way throughout. There were times for rough sex where all he wanted was to reach completion as fast as possible, but now wasn't one of them. He detached his lips from Arthur's to look down at his face, cup it in his hands and drag a thumb over his cheek. One of Arthur's hands left its spot on his arse and reached up to place a wild hair behind Merlin's ear. Merlin smiled shyly, blushing as he saw Arthur looking up at him with adoration.

"Arthur..." Merlin whispered, before beginning to kiss at Arthur's jawline, making a line over to his ear before sliding his tongue over the shell of it. Arthur shivered beneath him, and Merlin smirked when he started to kiss and suck at the sensitive skin behind Arthur's ear. He made sure not to leave a bruise, no matter how much he wanted to mark Arthur as his and show him off to the world. Then, he kissed down Arthur's neck and nuzzled into it, moaning, loud and unrestrained, when Arthur gave a particular hard pull on him downward, slapping his balls against Merlin's arse.

Arthur smirked at him before resuming the slow pace they'd set before, but now, Merlin let Arthur do all the work, picking him up and lowering him on his cock. Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur and rested his head in the crook of Arthur's neck, taking in the heady scent of sex and sweat, but also Arthur's own. The air outside made him smell like a crisp autumn day, walking through the streets as the light breeze swung past to wave hello. It was sweet, but earthy, and Merlin didn't think he ever wanted entertain the idea of leaving it.

Arthur felt Merlin nuzzle and lick his neck, and it only added to the flood of sensations flooding through him. His entire body was filled with it, and he knew he was so close to spending inside of Merlin, but the slow pace they were going at would drag it out. Since Merlin seemed so reluctant to take control again, having wrapped his arms around Arthur's neck and hiding his face in Arthur's neck as well, Arthur kneaded Merlin's arse in his hands and let the pace quicken. Merlin whimpered into his ear at the shift, but was also growing impatient and let Arthur take over.

Arthur rammed Merlin down onto his cock over and over, knowing he was hitting Merlin's prostate each time as Merlin made congruous sounds in response. As his own release neared, he took Merlin's hard prick in his hand and stroked it in time as Merlin's arse bounced up and down on top of him. Soon enough, Arthur came inside of Merlin, his entire body going lax but still making sure his hand stripped at Merlin's cock until he spilled onto Arthur's chest.

Merlin stayed where he was, reluctant to move, as Arthur reached for a cloth to wipe his chest off. Then Arthur fished Merlin's head out of its spot in his neck, lifting it up before kissing him with fervor. He licked into Merlin's mouth as he rolled them over onto their sides on the bed, and Arthur's cock slipped out of Merlin. When Merlin let Arthur into his mouth, but didn't respond as enthusiastically as he usually did, Arthur pulled away to ask what was wrong; he found tears in Merlin's eyes. Arthur's eyes widened and he pulled Merlin close to him, kissing his forehead and running a hand through his hair.

"What's wrong, Merlin? Did I do something wrong? Was it too much, did I hurt you?" Arthur asked, frantically. Merlin giggled at the sight, and took one Arthur's hand and placed it on his cheek, laying his own hand over it and entwining their fingers. He loved how much Arthur cared about him, how he was always ready to apologize for something he'd done wrong, and how he never wished to hurt Merlin in the first place. It made him feel warm inside, but all that did was made the tears fall down his cheeks faster.

"No, it's-," Merlin sniffled, "Arthur, I... I care for you so much. I don't ever want you to leave me,  _please_." Merlin begged, letting out a quiet sob, "Please don't ever leave me." When he thought about being without Arthur, his entire world crashed to the ground. Merlin bore his daily life with constant thoughts of the next time he could see Arthur, and have a break from his dull life. His family had money, yes, but what could money bring except objects without necessity? Money couldn't bring him love, couldn't bring him  _Arthur_ , so it was useless to him.

"Sweetheart, it's alright. Merlin..." Arthur shushed him, wiping away his tears, "I'm here, I'm here. The last thing I'd ever want to do is leave you alone." He let Merlin sob into his chest, keeping a hand stroking through his hair to comfort him, his other around Merlin's body, holding him close. Arthur felt the fear Merlin's sobs emitted, a fear that they would be torn apart somehow by one problem or another. It made Arthur ache; he never wanted to part from Merlin, and if meeting only every few weeks was the best they could get, Arthur knew he would take it over never seeing each other at all.

When Merlin stopped crying, he turned around and pressed his back against Arthur's chest. He reached back to touch skin, and gave a broken plea for the one thing he knew Arthur could give him in that moment. Arthur took him like that, soft and slow, wrapping around him and whispering words of reassurance and love in his ear until he was full of them. They finished together, moaning each other's names and somehow showing that there would never be another for either of them.

Even if they couldn't have each other in broad daylight, in the night they were able to fulfill their deepest desires where no one could ever find them.

~•~

"Why, Mr. Pendragon, it's been so long! How are you?" Merlin asked with a fake smile, silently fuming beneath his skin. It had been six weeks _._   _Six weeks_  since he had seen or heard from Arthur, and here he was, dressed up at the banquet as if nothing had gone wrong. It had been six weeks since Merlin had cried into Arthur's arms, begging him not to leave and soon enough finding that his emotions clearly meant nothing, as Arthur hadn't even sent him a single letter in the time between. He hadn't even responded to Merlin's inquiry about whether he'd been on business after three weeks had passed.

His answer stood right in front of him. Arthur was clean-cut and trim in his suit and waistcoat, as he always was. He hadn't gone on business; he was right here in front of Merlin, at a banquet held by the Du Lacs. While Merlin yearned to see the skin that was hiding beneath it all, his anger pushed his initial desires to the back of his mind. How could Arthur do this to him? After revealing Merlin's heart to him, how could he go back on his word immediately after it had happened?

Arthur stood in front of him, wide-eyed. He hadn't expected to see Merlin here, having forgotten that Merlin's parents were even better acquainted with the Du Lacs than Arthur's own father. It wasn't that he didn't want to see Merlin—in fact, Merlin was the only person he ever wanted to see, and oh, how he looked absolutely  _breathtaking_  in that suit—but he didn't know how to tell him yet! He didn't know how he, himself, was going to respond to what his father had said, and in the past six weeks all Arthur had done was think about a solution and think about Merlin, whom he missed dearly.

And now, Merlin was looking at him with fire in his eyes even while he wore a smile. It was fake, Arthur recognized. When Merlin was really smiling, he wasn't able to hold it back, and his eyes glistened with the same kind of mirth that usually spilled from his lips in a laugh. Here, his eyes did not match his lips, and Arthur knew there was no backing away anymore, no more hiding behind unsent letters and nonexistent business. He would be forced to face his troubles head-on, and even if he didn't want to, Merlin was important to him and had the right to know.

"Mr. Emrys! It has been a very long time, indeed. I'm well, myself, how are you?" Arthur tried to convey an apology through his eyes, but Merlin wasn't taking it. He only stared back at Arthur with the same fury he'd started with. The people who walked all around them were oblivious to what truly lied beneath all of the words the two of them were speaking.

"I've been alright, I suppose. You know, business can be troublesome at times." Merlin had an evil-looking glint in his eye, now. "Perhaps we could get together to discuss some of the similar problems we face, soon?" And then, Merlin was staring him down,  _daring_ him to refuse and see what the consequences would be. Though he knew Merlin would never do anything to endanger either of their reputations, the look Merlin gave him put a layer of fear in his stomach.

"Yes, um... When would you like to meet?" Arthur was sweating beneath his clothes. The look Merlin was giving him was simultaneously going straight to his cock and making him afraid of whatever was to come.

"Are you currently busy? Things are beginning to wind down... We could go now, if possible?"

"Yes, of course." They followed the small crowd that had already begun to leave the banquet hall. When they reached outside, Arthur told Merlin they could use his coach, and he responded with a nod, regal as ever. The coachman opened the door and Merlin stepped in first, followed by Arthur after he'd told the man where they were to be dropped off—there was a high-end hotel down the road from the shabby inn they normally frequented. Once inside, Merlin stayed silent until they started to move.

"I can't  _believe_ you." He said, not looking at Arthur. "You didn't have the time to write one measly letter? Not even respond to the one that I sent you?" Merlin's voice broke, and Arthur's heart felt like it did the same at the sound of it. He didn't even know what to say, so he stayed silent; he thought maybe it would be better to wait until they reached the inn. Merlin was unamused at his lack of response. "So that's it? You're not even going to talk to me?" The pain that flew through his words hurt, but Arthur was still at a loss of what to say.

Even without seeing Merlin's face, Arthur knew his eyes were welling up, and that he was remembering what they had said to each other the last time they had been together. He could feel Merlin looking at him, then, his eyes glaring into the side of Arthur's head, cursing himself for falling weak to his own emotions.

Arthur did what he had to; he turned around and kissed Merlin, wrapping his arms around a slim waist and pulling him closer until the sides of their bodies were aligned. For all his anger, Merlin gave in easily, letting Arthur's tongue slide through his mouth and his hands roam over his body. One of Arthur's hands moved up to cup Merlin's face, while the other glided down to palm Merlin's growing erection in his trousers. Merlin moaned; it was easy, giving into desire; it was like greeting an old friend.

Merlin's exasperation, directed at Arthur, had been pushed to the back of his mind, and all he could think of now was finding some kind of release. When he pulled away from the kiss, Arthur had already buried his head in Merlin's neck before he could think twice. For a second, Merlin realized that it must have been Arthur's idea to seduce Merlin as a part of some elaborate plan, but that thought quickly pushed itself away with the feeling of Arthur's teeth and tongue at his throat. Arthur's hand held Merlin's cock through his trousers, and he thrusted into it unwillingly, a low whine voicing itself from the back of his throat.

Arthur didn't know what was happening, but he knew it was working. He felt sort of insensitive, knowing he probably should have told Merlin already so they could have had a nice, calm, long conversation rather than fight anymore, but he really didn't know how to go about things like that. Growing up with only his father, addressing his own emotions with someone else wasn't something that came easy to Arthur. He'd never had someone to speak to like that, without any fear of punishment or remorse... until he met Merlin, of course. But still, it was difficult for Arthur to address something he wished didn't exist.

The coach stopped. Arthur immediately pulled away from Merlin's neck, righting his own hair and patting down Merlin's, and Merlin adjusted his pants and tried to hide his erection to no avail. They took one look at each other's bright pink, clearly kissed lips and laughed out loud, blush turning both of their faces red.

The coachman opened the door, and Arthur stepped out; the dark night sky felt like a greeting, a welcoming home to where he knew he had always belonged: with Merlin. Merlin followed, and Arthur tipped the coachman before they watched it drive away. Then, the two of them walked away from the front of the grand hotel, giggling like schoolgirls at absolutely nothing. The streets were quiet, and as far as Arthur could see, it was only the two of them. So, he pulled Merlin closer to him by the waist, letting him put his hand into the crook of Arthur's elbow, and leaning his head on Arthur's shoulder. Merlin let out a contented sigh and Arthur felt like everything in the world had gone right somehow.

When they reached the inn, they entered—the owner sitting at the desk completely disregarded them—and went straight up to their usual room, which they always had booked, every day of the week. It was something they needed, if anything came up and the two of them needed somewhere to go; they came here. The exact same reason they were there that night—they needed each other more than ever.

Merlin and Arthur tumbled over onto the bed, attached at the lips, mouthing at whatever skin they could find when they lost their breath. Arthur rolled them over so Merlin was on top of him, pulling him down with a hand gripping in the thickness of his hair to meet his lips. He let Merlin take control, let him put his hands all over Arthur's body. Merlin pushed him down at the shoulders and ground their cocks together through their clothes. Arthur let out a moan.

" _Merlin_... god, please." Arthur voice escaped him. Merlin stopped his actions, looking down at Arthur's face, as if asking him to say exactly what he wanted. Arthur shut his eyes, breathing out. He was not above asking for what he wanted, he'd done it many times before, when Merlin was in control. "Merlin,  _fuck me_."

From Arthur's mouth, it sounded almost like an order, but Merlin chuckled at the plea because he knew that was what it truly was. He leaned down again to place a kiss on Arthur's forehead, and Arthur's eyes fluttered open at the sudden shift from rough and wanting to soft and sweet.

"What was that for?" Arthur asked, curiously.

"...I wanted to." Merlin shrugged, because it was the real reason. He ran his thumb over Arthur's cheek, and Arthur leaned into his hand, nuzzling his palm. Merlin's heart burst at the seams. It was right then that he realized he was in love with this man. Merlin's heart dropped into his stomach.

 _I'm in love with Arthur,_ Merlin thought.

"Merlin?" Arthur called to him, breaking him out of his reverie. "Darling? Are you alright?" Merlin saw Arthur looking up at him in concern, and gave a bright smile to mask the way his heart was acting inside his chest. Then, he ground their cocks together again, a rough thrust against Arthur's body, and watched as Arthur threw his head back and groaned. Merlin smirked at his reaction, his earlier realization pushed to the back of his mind to deal with later. Reaching for Arthur's suit coat, he pulled it off of him and then reached for the buttons on his waistcoat. One by one, Merlin removed Arthur's various pieces of clothing until he was left completely nude on the bed.

Afterward, Merlin left the bed to stand by it and remove his own clothes, somehow finding that desperate need that they'd had when they arrived again. He grabbed the glass bottle of oil from the drawer in the bedside table before falling back onto the bed, finding Arthur stroking himself. Merlin took Arthur's cock in his own hand, giving a firm grasp as he tugged on it.

Then, Merlin moved down on the bed so he was facing Arthur's erection, and kept it in his hand as he licked a long stripe up from the underside. Arthur whimpered. Merlin licked over the head of Arthur's cock with the flat of his tongue, before tonguing the slit and making him moan and reach down blindly to grab at Merlin's hair. When Merlin wrapped his lips around the head and gave a strong suck, Arthur thrusted his hips upward, farther into Merlin's mouth, spouting a whine from the back of his throat.

Pushing Arthur's hips down with his hands, Merlin bobbed his head up and down, sucking all the while. Arthur's skin in combination with his leaking precum left a salty-sweet taste in Merlin's mouth, and he  _liked_  it. It was a part of Arthur no one else could ever have, and Merlin cherished that this was something only  _he_ could do—make Arthur moan like a wanton beneath him. He took the entire length down his throat and Arthur all but yelled out, covering his mouth with his hand. Then, Merlin popped his mouth off of Arthur's cock and gave it a few strokes, telling Arthur to turn over on his hands and knees.

After he did, Merlin gave a light slap on his arse, before pouring oil over his fingers and rubbing his thumb over Arthur's hole. The first touch made Arthur gasp—it had been a long time since he'd done this, and he'd forgotten about how the desire to be filled always grew in his stomach, making him impatient and needy. When Merlin pushed a finger past the tight ring of skin, Arthur dropped to his forearms and groaned into his pillow. He was aching for it.

Soon enough, Merlin replaced one finger with two, scissoring Arthur out. He pressed a soft kiss at the bottom of Arthur's spine, and kept one hand on Arthur's back rubbing up and down. The warm feeling of it was an added comfort to the slight burn that was beginning to grow. However, it only further impelled Arthur to thrust his hips backward into Merlin's fingers, biting his tongue to stifle a moan when Merlin added a third.

"Don't hold back, Arthur." Merlin said, "I want to hear you say my name." The authority in his voice alone felt like it could have been enough to push Arthur over the edge.

" _Please_ , Merlin!" Arthur ground out when Merlin's fingers rubbed over his prostate, he groaned afterward. " _Merlin_..." He heard Merlin mutter something along the lines of  _"that's more like it"_ , and he had to shove his face into the pillow to hide a smile. Then the fingers were pulled roughly from Arthur's hole, and he whimpered at the sudden chill that ran through his body in anticipation. Merlin's cock slid over his gaping arse, the head skimming over the puckered skin of his hole and Arthur made an inhuman sound from the back of his throat, unable to wait for Merlin to breach him.

Arthur pushed back to meet as Merlin's cock slid into him at the same time. His jaw dropped and he lifted himself back up onto his hands. The stretch burned, there was no doubt, since it had been so long. Merlin placed his hands on Arthur's hips to steady him, continuing to push in slowly until he was seated all the way. They stayed like that for a few moments, Arthur panting and Merlin shushing him sweetly, tracing designs with his fingers over Arthur's back to distract him from the pain.

"Move, Merlin." Arthur whined, "Please,  _move_." And that was all Merlin needed until he was pulling out as far as he could and then thrusting back into Arthur  _hard._ He hit Arthur's prostate straight on, drawing a loud moan from him, and Merlin smirked. He loved the reactions he could get from Arthur, and how he was Merlin's to take, to have, that no one else would ever even have the opportunity to make Arthur feel this way. Merlin wouldn't let them, if they tried.

He leaned over Arthur's body, and Arthur turned his head to the side as Merlin devoured his bottom lip, biting at it and then licking immediately after, to soothe the redness left behind. Merlin kissed Arthur's cheek, making his way down to his jawline, then kissing back up and nibbling on Arthur's earlobe. Afterward, he pressed soft kisses down the side of Arthur's neck, until he got to the base of it. When he did, he kissed the skin lightly before biting and sucking on it, wanting to leave a mark. Though they had sworn to each other not to leave marks in fear that someone would find them, it was a spot that no one but Merlin would ever see, always hidden by the collar of Arthur's shirt. When he pulled away, the bruise was already purpling and Merlin had a feeling of possessiveness over Arthur.

Pulling his chest away from Arthur's back, Merlin stood on his knees and tugged on Arthur's arms to pull him up into his knees as well. Then they were back to chest again, Arthur dropping his head back onto Merlin's shoulder as Merlin thrusted in and out of him, baring his neck out in the open for the taking. Invitingly, Merlin dropped his head into Arthur's neck and kissed and bit at his skin, loving the sounds that only barely escaped he back of Arthur's throat in combination with his thrusts. Merlin gripped tight on Arthur's hips as he let his need for completion take over, shamelessly thrusting into Arthur to chase his one release. He took Arthur's cock in his hand and stroked it in time with his thrusts.

Merlin felt his orgasm rising before he let go and spilled inside of Arthur. Arthur moaned at the feeling, putting his own hand over Merlin's and stripping his cock until he came over the sheets. Arthur sighed and shut his eyes, still leaning his head back. Merlin smiled at the gorgeous picture he posed—Arthur could have been a king with that sort of beauty.

The two of them lied down in the bed, legs entangled and facing each other. They simply looked at one another for a while, thoughts racing through each of their heads and contemplating what to say.

 _Should I tell him?_  They both thought.

"Arthur, I-," Merlin started, but was interrupted.

"Merlin, I know what you're going to say." Arthur said, and Merlin's eyes widened.

"You do?" Merlin's heart beat sped up, how could Arthur know when Merlin hadn't even known himself until that day?

"Yes. You're going to ask why I didn't respond to your letter and why I never sent one myself."  _Oh_ , Merlin thought. He almost sighed in relief, but held it back for fear that he would have to tell Arthur what he had actually been thinking. When he thought about it, the answer to what Arthur had said took precedence over his own emotions—even if that was something he only told himself to evade his own emotions.

"Why didn't you tell me anything, Arthur?" Merlin asked, remembering his own anger at the beginning of the night, but it had now mellowed out into an underlying sadness. Merlin took Arthur's hand and kissed his palm before intertwining their fingers. What could have been so important that it meant Arthur couldn't even spare him a single thought? "You can tell me, Arthur."

"I..." Arthur sighed. "My father wants me to marry." He looked at Merlin, and found him laughing. 

"Again? That's all it was?" Arthur's father had arranged for him to marry several women over the years, all of which Arthur had declined. Though it  _had_ been a while since Uther had requested this from him, another one was no reason for Arthur to be so distressed. For a while, Merlin had believed that Uther had finally given up, letting Arthur live his life as a bachelor. "Just decline him again! Why would there be a prob..." Merlin took one look at Arthur's resigned face and  _knew._  "Unless..." Merlin gaped, "you're actually considering accepting it?!"

"Merlin... My father was very adamant on this..." Arthur tried to find an explanation that would make sense, but everything that he thought and every word that came out of his mouth immediately seemed as if it was utterly  _stupid_. How could he even consider leaving Merlin alone? But... this was his father, and it wasn't like he wouldn't ever see Merlin again, right? They would still meet every few weeks like they already did, right? "And it's not like we'll never see each other, we'd just have to work harder at keeping it secret."

Merlin narrowed his eyes at him, pulling his hand out of Arthur's and sitting up. Arthur followed suit, turning toward him, but Merlin had already climbed out of bed and began reaching for his pants. He did not look at Arthur while he stepped into them, then began to search for his shirt.

"Merlin? Darling, what's wrong?" Arthur asked, his voice cracking and his throat tightening at the sight of Merlin leaving their bed and dressing. At his voice, Merlin turned to face him. His teeth were clenched and so were his fists—he looked as if he wanted to kill Arthur.

" _Don't._ You have the  _nerve_  to ask  _me_  what's wrong, after saying that you're going to get  _married?!_  And not just that, but you're planning on keeping me, as if I was some sort of- sort of  _mistress!_ Cheating on your  _wife_ , Arthur?  _How much lower could you possibly stoop?!_  I will  _not_ stand by and let you treat me like I don't matter to you!" Merlin pulled on his shirt, buttoning it furiously; his fingers were shaking and he was sure he was making mistakes, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"But what if... what if I told my wife, made sure she was alright with it before-," Arthur looked down at the floor, trying to make another suggestion, but his own vocal chords seemed to be working against him, spouting horrible ideas that he would have never even been able to go through with.

"Don't you  _understand_ , Arthur?" Merlin asked. When Arthur looked up at him he looked a right mess. His beautiful, golden waves were askew, his shirt was buttoned incorrectly and not tucked in to his trousers, and his bow-tie was undone, just a loose fabric hanging under the collar of his shirt. And yet, he still seemed utterly irresistible. Arthur wanted to rip all of his clothes off and drag him back into the bed, but he knew it wasn't a near possibility with the situation they were in. "It's not about her, it's not about your father, either. It's about  _you._ I'm not asking for you to declare your love for me to the world, to ruin both our reputations and run away somewhere where we would both be happy, no matter how much I might want that." Merlin's voice cracked, and tears began flowing down his cheeks. "I just- I just want to know that you care for me as much as I do you. And right now, Arthur,  _darling_ , all I see in front of me is a man who cares for no one but himself."

And for the first time since they had ever come into that dingy little inn,  _Merlin left first._

~•~

It had been three months, since that night. Merlin had not seen nor even heard the name  _Arthur Pendragon_ , and that in itself should have brought him joy.

It did not. It brought him pain, rather. A pain that had manifested itself deep in his chest, in his heart, and seemed as if it would never go away. Merlin had decided he would live with it, somehow. He had not gone to any banquets in that time, nor had he responded to any letters from friends inquiring after his health, nor had he left his home. He stayed in the confines of his rooms, only allowing the occasional servant in to bring him tea or something light to eat. His parents, on holiday in Italy, knew nothing of his sudden drop—he found he preferred it that way. What good would they have done, rather than hound him to get out of bed and show his face at the banquets as his father's son?

One night, though, it was raining. And Merlin found there was somewhere he wanted to go, where no one would bother him and he would be alone with his mind. The coachman took his directions with a lifted eyebrow, and asked something along the lines of " _are you sure, sir?"_ and he found himself nodding tiredly. He couldn't find it within himself to care if the coachman knew about the dingy little inn; in fact, he found he didn't care if anyone knew about his love for Arthur, either. Why did they have to hide it from the world? If they had never needed to, this never would have happened.

The coach ride felt longer than he knew it really was. Maybe it was because he didn't have Arthur there with him, coaxing kisses from him whenever he could. It felt eerily silent, even over the sound of the rain pattering onto the roof of the coach and the horses  _clopping_ over the streets. Merlin twiddled his fingers, dragged a hand through his hair, watched the raindrops fall upon the windows, but nothing seemed to distract him from the fact that Arthur was not there. Without Arthur, he felt empty.

Eventually, the coach stopped at his destination. When Merlin stepped out, he looked upon the dingy little inn in both relief and sadness—relief because he'd finally found something that brought him even the tiniest joy, and sadness because all that joy did was remind him that he did not have Arthur anymore. The coach drove away, and Merlin stood out in the rain for a few more minutes, letting his eyes closed as he took in the feeling of the water droplets as they fell onto his skin. It soaked him through enough that he was shivering, even in the slight warmth of the early spring air.

He made his way inside, ignoring the owner as always, repeating the same steps the two of them had always used to reach  _their_  room. That was what it became, after so long; it was  _theirs_ , something, possibly the only thing, they could share besides sex and stolen kisses in the night. When he reached the door, Merlin took a deep breath with his hand on the doorknob. Was he ready to face an empty room, without promises of love and happiness? He wasn't, he knew, but he had to face it—if he didn't, he would never move on.

When he opened the door, the room wasn't empty.

Arthur sat against the head of the bed, a book in his hands, which he immediately dropped onto the floor at the sight of Merlin. He gaped, and stood up from the bed, not knowing whether to move closer or stay away.

Merlin broke down. Sobs spilled from his mouth without remorse, loud and unrelenting. At that, Arthur came forward and shut the door, gathering Merlin into his arms—why was he soaked through to his skin? Merlin clung to Arthur as soon as he felt the warmth of his body around him. He wrapped his arms around Arthur's back and cried into his neck, letting his tears fall onto the dry cloth of Arthur's suit coat. One of Arthur's hands ran up and down Merlin's back, the other one on his head, holding him gently into Arthur's neck.

Merlin sobbed and sobbed, gentle murmurs from Arthur into his ear seemed to be doing nothing for the raw, wet emotion pouring down his face. Arthur pressed a tender kiss to his temple, and the knowledge that Arthur still cared for him in some way seemed like it only made him sob harder. He was sure Arthur was questioning why he had showed up here, drenched from the rain and bawling at the sight of him, but Merlin was willing to take whatever comfort Arthur was willing to give him. He was so desperate to  _feel_ something, other than pain.

"Merlin? We need to remove your wet clothes, so you don't get ill, alright?" Arthur said, pulling away from Merlin, who had quieted down and now only gave the occasional sob or sniffle. He stood there, let Arthur remove his clothes until he was completely bare, wrapping his hands around his own body as he shivered. Arthur pulled him over to bed, tucking him under the covers before removing his own outer clothes, but leaving his pants on and climbing into the bed next to him. The candles remained lit, but provided the little amount of light necessary to be able to see each other clearly.

Arthur pulled Merlin to lay his head on his chest, finding him acquiescing easily. Merlin sniffled and sucked in his breath sometimes, but was otherwise silent as they lied there. When Arthur's hand settled in Merlin's hair and fingered through it to gently pull the knots out, it brought a feeling of calmness to both of them. Merlin shut his eyes, ready to drift off to sleep and deal with the consequences of his actions tomorrow, but Arthur spoke before he had the chance to.

"I declined my father's marriage arrangement." Arthur said, solemnly. Merlin opened his eyes, and lifted up his hand to take Arthur's other, entwining their fingers together. "I... told him to stop having them arranged. That I... that I'm in love with a man..." Merlin lifted his off of Arthur's chest and sat up; he couldn't believe it, but one look at Arthur's face told him all of it was true.

"Oh, Arthur... what did he do, then?" Merlin asked, bringing their hands up to his mouth so he could kiss the back of Arthur's.

"He told me to get out... that no son of his was to be a disgusting homosexual..." Arthur sniffled, and a single tear fell from his eye. Merlin wiped it away with his thumb, leaving his hand on Arthur's cheek as Arthur's hand came up to lay on top of it. "He took away everything I had, Merlin. I have nothing now..." The unspoken  _except for you_ , lingered between them. It was a question, asking if he even really had Merlin, after what they had gone through.

"Arthur, I love you, but you didn't have to do that for me. I'm sorry if I made you think that you had to, and now I've ruined your life, I'm  _so_   _sorry_ , Arthur."

" _You're_  sorry? You have no need to be, darling, the fault lies with me for making you think that I did anything less than love you." And Merlin leaned down and kissed Arthur, just a chaste touch of lips, before pulling away and lying down again beside him. "I don't know what I'm going to do now, Merlin." Merlin saw Arthur's exhaustion on his face, nights that must have been littered with thoughts of painful futures and lonely times.

"Whatever happens, Arthur, whatever we face, we'll be able to get through it  _together."_ Merlin smiled, and the edges of Arthur lips turned up, thinking of a brighter future. "I'm not going to leave you alone, my love." A full smile bloomed on Arthur's face, like a flower in the spring with the sun shining above. Merlin could not resist leaning in and pressing his lips to Arthur's, full of love and promises he swore to fulfill.

And so, the two of them learned that even a  _forbidden love_  can thrive, be it if only in darkness. 

**Author's Note:**

> pleaseeee let me know what you think!! your opinion is important to me! :)
> 
> kudos & comments are welcomed!!


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